Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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