fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
do herpes really smell.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
