My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
