dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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