Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize