You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
