Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we made out on top of his cat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
