I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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