That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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