I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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