He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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