when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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