K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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