you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
