I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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