This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
