Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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