i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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