somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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