that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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