New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I will pee on everything he values.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
