It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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