I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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