i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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