I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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