she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
