tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
