You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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