What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
