I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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