So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
