There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
