xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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