i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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