im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
