He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
splinters make it hard to masturbate
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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