I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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