When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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