you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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