She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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