I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
