he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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