I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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