Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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