why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
