You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
