alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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