So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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