the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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