FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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