You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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