She's JV to your varsity
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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