and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
