therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
