Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
