It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
