I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
