I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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