I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"