Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.