I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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