Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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