Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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