Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
