Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
how drunk are you?
Several
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
