I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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