I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
