Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
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Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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