WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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